When I got pregnant I felt in no way ready to be a mother; although me and Fergus were solid as a couple, we had literally nothing in terms of a solid foundation to have a baby – we didn’t (and still don’t!) even own a full cutlery set.. Definitely not parent material! However, flash forward 18 months and I couldn’t picture being anything other than a mother to Joseph and I love (mostly – maybe not the tiredness..) every bit of it – I can’t imagine what I did with my time before and it’s so liberating, although hard, not having yourself as your main focus: you really do learn a whole new different meaning of selflessness that changes your perspective on near enough everything.
Joseph is nearly two and we do often have people asking “so when’s he getting a little brother or sister?” And although I can shake most of the questions off with laughs of “no time soon!” It has got me thinking about when and if I would have another baby.
I loved having three sisters; I always have had and always will have, three ready made best pals that are on call 24/7, I learnt so much from them and having siblings, really is enriching for any childhood in the way that your given a sense of what’s to come and also a constant support network.
But is it wrong to just have one?
I remember my family struggling as we grew up; times were hard and although we were so lucky and showered in love, I do remember how difficuly it was for my parents to get by with so many mouths to feed.. Plus I really enjoy having just one.
Joseph and I have such a strong bond from being able to give him that one on one attention from the start.. Who’s to say that another wouldn’t damage that? Would Joseph be compromised?
Is it really wrong to want to have one child that you can give everything to?
Would a child look back and wish they had more “stuff” and an easier life or a partner in crime?
Plus it’s going through labour again.. I know everyone says you forget but I certainly haven’t! As much as I love the idea of a full house and lots of happy children, I also can’t help but squint when I see a lady with a new born and a toddler and think “how the hell is she doing it?” Becayse I just don’t think I’d cope.
I’m trying to refrain from feeling that pressure of just having more children because I feel I should but at the same time, will I regret a massive age gap or not having more at all?
Did anyone else feel this way? What’s your opinions?