So I tried my hand at Pilates again this morning – this time, minus the nearly 8lb baby in my tummy and with a lot less hormones raging around me and I have to say, it was a lot more successful.
I’ve been feeling a bit in limbo at the moment what with living at our parents, waiting to find a flat in Glasgow and waiting for fergs uni to be confirmed but now we have a flat in the process of going through and fergs uni place is secure, things are starting to feel a lot more tidy and I finally feel I have some head space to fill with something other than anxiety and doubt! So it really felt like the right time this morning, to take the opportunity to start getting myself back into a positive mindset and to start being proactive.
I have a lot of projects in my head at the moment – a lot of ideas buzzing around, but with all that’s been impending and uncertain, there hasn’t felt like there’s a lot of space left to actually allocate to these things, but I’m now actually allowing myself to get excited about being settled in Scotland having the chance to actually DO.
I felt like my class this morning was exactly that too – starting to actually DO instead of just thinking about things, challenging myself and remembering how nice it feels to be a novice and to sit for an hour being totally in that moment of learning, relaxing and enjoying something new.
When’s the last time you tried to learn something new? For most people, me included, it’s probably not since school or college or uni. When I try think of the last time for me, what stands out is learning maths at school and how much I hated it as I just couldn’t ever do it.
As adults I think we’re scared to learn new things – I am anyway since I don’t like not being able to do things or understand them, those same class room feelings come back and I’m afraid to look stupid. But I’ve realised since having Joseph how stupid in itself that it. What if every time Joseph tried to crawl I stopped him as he wasn’t doing it right; he would never crawl at all. I watch his recklessness and freedom and lack of inhibitions and it fascinates me and makes me think how much we can learn from our own children.
I’ve never considered myself the outdoorsy type for example, but Fergus I would say is. we’ve never been hiking because I’ve always said I don’t like it even though I’ve never really done it and I guess I was worried i wouldn’t be able to. So when we went to Scotland recently I just tied and low and behold I loved it and was better than I thought, even though I was tired pretty quickly.
It just makes me think of all the things in my life that I have said no to because I’m scared I’ll fail, only now seeing how stupid it is to never even try in the first place. If your worried to look stupid, your at danger of becoming stupid as you never learn anything new. Your never outside your comfort zone. You instantly sell yourself short and never learn or grow or change.
I’ve been thinking recently about my projects but kept telling myself it won’t work before even trying to take the first step which means I’ve already given up – I’ve been telling myself it won’t work as it means learning a whole new set of skills and truth be told, I was worried I just wouldn’t ever grasp them. But anything with enough time is surely achievable?
So I’m now giving myself time and space and confidence and not instantly worrying about the outcome; I’m going to enjoy the learning process.